It’s 4:45 AM, and insomnia decides to overstay its welcome–but I allow it–since our meetings have significantly diminished over the past few months. The paperback, wilted from wear, rests idly on a pillow, exhausted.

I read through older text posts, the ones influenced by insomnia–broken record musings of an early 20-something struggling to understand why: the 2AM brain clutter, the nouns and verbs, conflict, anxiety, resolution, the clusterfcuk, life’s vicious cycle.

The paperback, Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path To Achieving Success, Happiness(and World Peace), entered my life during my junior year at State, when I impulsively ordered the recommended read for an Intercultural Communication course.

Though I had to drop the class to make room for a Major requirement, the book and all its valuable lessons stayed. It introduced me to mindfulness meditation, which was something this restless brain desperately needed at the time. A therapeutic technique to silence the inner critic, to not define myself by past circumstances or leap into the future, to be fully present, to be fully aware of distractions, to breathe deeply, to appreciate what is, to be grateful, to let life happen, to just be.

The center of this labyrinth represents peace, space and connection–the path inward symbolizes the journey of letting go, and moving outward brings you a sense of enlightenment.

Clarity. Peace. Serenity.

No Fergie.

One of the first posts mentioned John Mayer’s Clarity after news of getting academically disqualified from State, listening intently to his voice, just trying to understand the why. But now that I graduated, seeing that post made me think about why I even worried in the first place.

I just want to be proof that if you shift your mentality, your attitude, the way you feel about others, the way you feel about yourself, if you’re mindful of your thoughts, and live in the present, then you can change your life. It’s an ongoing process, I slip out every now and then, but at least it’s progression.

It’s 6:05 AM, and insomnia, satisfied with this post’s outcome, finally decides to leave.
Sleep is now.

The key is to let go of two things: grasping and aversion. Grasping is when the mind desperately holds on to something and refuses to let it go. Aversion is when the mind desperately keeps something away and refuses to let it come. 

-Chade-Meng Tan, Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness


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